Saturday, October 9, 2010

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On Thursday we saw the girls. They were not sure they want us to adopt them. Because of the expense of the drive and of the apartment rental, and the need to not be away from our boys and my work to long, we needed a for sure answer from them as soon as possible. They knew us, we knew them, and they just needed to decide.

On Friday morning we drove back over to the orphanage. Our facilitator went to speak with the girls. They said no, they did not want to be adopted by us. We were heart broken. We were sitting in the car waiting when our facilitator came back to tell us what they said. He also stated that we were to come back at 2:30pm to talk in person with the girls to make sure that they still did not want us to adopt them.

We went back at 2:30pm. After much talking, it came out that they were (or at least N was) worried about what their mother thought. They felt guilty for leaving her. They said if we spoke with their mom and she said it was ok for them to be adopted by us, they wanted to go with us. They answer yes enthusiastically three times in a row – it just depended on what their mother said.

Saturday morning we drove to the city were the girl’s mom lives. It took a long time to find the building she lives in. The car got stuck in a very large pothole (it is raining here right now and the driver could not see how deep the hole was – it was deep). I thought we were going to have to get out and push, but the card finally came lurching out of the hole and we drove on.

We found the building, got out of the car and met their mother outside the building. I could clearly see features from both N and S’s face. We also met one of their older sisters, and an older brother. Our facilitator talked at length with their mother. After many phones calls with N (she has a cell right now), the mother decided that she was going to leave it up to the girls. What ever they decided was ok with her. She wanted to make sure she would still be able to talk to them and get letters to them. She cried, and hugged us many times.

We drove off believing that we were adopting N and S, because the girls had told us if their mom is ok with it, then yes, they want to go with us. So we went to market to stock up a little on some food for the apartment thinking that we would be here for a few weeks.

But as we were driving back from the market, N called and said she did not want to go. She had called again and asked if we would come see her tomorrow. She wanted to see the picture of her mom we had taken. Our facilitator told her that we would probably not come (given their decision). N called again and told the facilitator that we are never to come back, and to get rid of her phone number and pictures. We love these girls, but as it stands now we will travel to Kiev for another referral, which will extend our stay here. Please keep praying for God's peace to fill us as we wait on Him.

My trust is in the Lord, not in men (or girls), or horses, or chariots, or anything else in this temporal world of ours. I trust that the Lord has called us to be here, and He has a plan only for our good. Perhaps what is good for us is to gain a new perspective on this life, to increase our love for our boys (we really, really miss them – we have never been away this long before and the journey has only begun), or maybe he has other children already picked out for us somewhere here in Eastern Europe.

Please do not think we are giving up on the girls, we love them so very very much. The only option is to leave them here. It breaks my heart to leave them here, but we will not bribe them, coerce them, or force them in any way. It is their decision to make. To be honest I am crying as I type this. It feels like I have just lost two children. But for God…He is the Great I AM! If He desires, for His own good pleasure for us to adopt a child(ren), then He will open the doors we are to go through, and close the ones we are not to walk through.

Praise to my God, for He alone is Holy. He alone is worthy of honor and praise, and He Alone can comfort this hurting heart.

Devotional http://www.truthforlife.org/resources/daily-devotionals/10/7/

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